Bloodborne: A Chronicle of my Failures

Bloodborne. Even to hear the name casts a shiver down my spine. You may be wondering why it’s taken so long for us to have anything up about it, after all the game has been out for ages hasn’t it? Well here’s where I put my hand up and say that I’m completely responsible. Because for me to even be able to formulate something to say about this game has taken too long. It may have something to do with the fact that I started it and rage quit so hard that I couldn’t look at it again for a month. Or maybe the fact that I’m a huge wimp with an overactive imagination. Or maybe because I’m a Virgin Dark Souls/Bloodborne player.

Well I’m here now. With the most honest and raw view of my failures I could muster.

I’m a time poor gamer. It’s usually weekends that I finally have a chance to really play through anything properly and as a consequence I tend to play games that I can get a feeling of accomplishment in a short period of time. I do play immersive epics like Dragon Age: Inquisition, but it takes months of obsession to get through all the content. Bloodborne was an experiment, I’m up to try anything and decided, why not? It can’t be as hard as people say can it?

When I started the game initially I was incredibly confused. There wasn’t much guidance. I didn’t work out that I had to die at that beginning beast to get weapons. Which lead to me spending a disproportionate amount of time trying to punch my way through. When you have guns and a cleaver it’s a lot easier. I mean, I thought this would be a hard game, but not being able to defeat the first enemy really did make me feel terrible about my skill.
But that’s okay right? I worked it out eventually, by myself. Because checking the Internet for what is basically the tutorial of a game is weak. I kept playing. Found another lamp, got my checkpoint and tried the next set of enemies so many times that I eventually couldn’t even contemplate trying again. Each time I got a little further and a little smarter but enough was enough and I rage quit. A little bit. A lot a bit actually.

Cue one month later. I’m refreshed and revitalised and ready to take it on. I started all over again convinced it would be better to get the instructions all over again. I had my iPad situated nearby should I need it and I was determined. Sure, I’m more of a casual gamer, but haven’t I gained some skills in my years? Haven’t I learnt anything at all? The first part of the game I remained optimistic. I breezed through the sick bay, roamed around town and got a lot further than my first failed attempt. Inch by inch I moved. I ran a lot. Avoided some enemies. Was very careful to dodge and attack fast. I used vials as soon as I needed them and I took deep breaths when I died.

Let’s try that now.
In… 1… 2 …. 3…

Out…. 1… 2… 3…

Calm? Good. Because all my progress was lost in the sudden attack by a big galumphing, large ogre like creature. Googling informs me it was a brick brute. I wouldn’t know because it beat me to a pulp before they was time for me to really run away. I panicked and got stuck. I could feel it’s ugly lumbering blows as if they wounded me physically. My pride and sense of accomplishment in tatters I was further devastated to realise that I was taken right back to the second checkpoint. Basically the beginning of the game.
All that time, caution and what I would like to think was skill, blown in an instance. I didn’t even make it to the first boss battle.
I did not take this well. I put my controller down, switched off the console and walked to the bathroom. Put the shower on full and stepped in, glasses still on to steam out my rage.


This gentleman right here.

The fact that I was seething too much to even recall to take my glasses off told me all I need to know about my reaction to this game. It wasn’t for me. I am not enough. I don’t want to be enough. If you were to come by with the disk in your hand I would turn and walk in the other direction. If you pursued me I would run. I do not want to see, think about or hear about this game any further. I do not want to play it. I do not want it on my PlayStation. I cannot bear the thought of trying to complete those same steps again.

You want to try the game that beat me? Be my guest. If I was wearing a hat I would take it off for you. Because this game is hard, and anyone who has the patience and skill to conquer it must be harder.

P.S. Maybe if I didn’t jump every time an enemy sprung out of a corner at me I would have been more successful.

P.P.S. I increased the brightness on my screen but that didn’t prevent me shrieking  whenever anything lunged at me all gross and bloody.

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