There is a particular kind of disappointment reserved for films that squander every advantage handed to them. The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is particularly blessed with a beloved source game, a stacked voice cast, an animation power-house who have bought some incredible animated films to the big screen and the goodwill of millions of fans who adored 2023’s The Super Mario Bros. Movie, yet it somehow manages to waste all of it with a spectacular, almost admirable sloppy script, barely there performances set against a bright and colourful animated film that cannot bear the weight of the source material it is inspired by.
The plot, such as it is, runs roughly like this: Princess Rosalina (Brie Larson) gets kidnapped by Bowser Jr. (Benny Safdie), Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day) team up with Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy) to go rescue her, Yoshi (Donald Glover) tags along, things explode, coins go “ding,” roll credits. There is no second act to speak of. Truth be told,there is barely a first. There is a slight redemption arc for Bowser is dangled in front of you like a carrot, then unceremoniously dropped on the floor. Nothing is set up. Nothing pays off. It’s less a story and more a Nintendo Direct, strung together with the narrative ambition of a loading screen. The only character that has anything interesting to say is Bowser (Jack Black) whose humour and baddie character energy is just as impactful as the last film (albeit with no reprise of Peaches or a new song this time around).
And then there are the performances. Or rather, the non-performances. Chris Pratt continues to play Mario as if Mario is just Chris Pratt, mildly amused, occasionally running. Charlie Day at least sounds like he’s in the same postcode as his character, but he’s given so little to do that it barely registers. Brie Larson as Rosalina is practically a ghost, present in the plot, absent in every other sense. Donald Glover as Yoshi is genuinely unrecognisable, and not in the good “completely lost himself in the role” way, more the “was he actually in this?” way. When Glen Powell’s Fox McCloud turns up for a handful of scenes, it can’t help but feel like a poor man’s Rocket Racoon.
The dialogue is, without any exaggeration, written for toddlers. And not smart toddlers. With recent family films, we are used to the kind of witty-for-all-ages writing that made Pixar films genuinely great (which is timely for that studio’s recent release Hoppers), or even the cheerful self-awareness of the first Mario outing, is nowhere to be found. The lines are functional at best and groan-inducing at worst. Adults in the audience will find themselves watching the clock. Children, dazzled by the colours and the familiar musical stings, will be fine, but even they deserve better than this. The good news is it is only 98 minutes long (including BOTH credits scene!) so while it is over rather quickly, this is also its downfall, with WAY too many new characters, there isn’t enough time to flesh everything out and make a cohesive story for a movie.
The only good thing I can say is the movie looks incredible. The animation is spectacular and Illumination really have been able to nail the stlye of Mario and Nintendo’s galaxy from game to screen perfectly. Even some paint on a canvas looks really great (not a spoiler, you can see this in the trailer).
Illumination has confused the idea of childlike wonder with a product designed to occupy children while parents stare at their phones in quiet despair. The galaxy, as it turns out, is very vast and very empty. Exactly like this film.
The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is in cinemas now. Directed by Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic.