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Five Useless Characters In Movies & TV

Spoiler Warning:  This article contains information on the plots of The Avengers, Classic Who, Transformers, Indiana Jones and Torchwood.  Read on at your own risk.

Alright, so before we start I just want you to know that I get that Jar Jar Binks and Scrappy Doo are the most annoying and pointless characters to ever disgrace the screen. But they are too obvious.  This list is going to be about characters that actually aren’t universally hated.  I, however do hate them, but that is besides the point and I understand people might actually for some unfathomable reason like some of these characters.  Now let’s begin:

1. Hawkeye – The Avengers

hawkeye-age-of-ultron

Never will I see the point of Hawkeye.  In fact, he is the whole inspiration for this article.  I don’t know how good his character is in the actual comics, but hey, a guy in the modern era still using a bow and arrow as a weapon can’t be that great can he (no offence Green Arrow)?.

As far as I can work out, in the first film the whole reason he is there, is so that he can learn inside information under his Loki trance and then pass it on to the Avengers.  The only thing is, that Dr Selvig also got a dose of the Loki staff, heart, brainwashing stuff, so why not just use him.  Yeah, yeah, he also shot a bunch of aliens, but that made even less of a difference since they all died in the end anyway.

When it comes to Age Of Ultron, Joss Whedon really tried hard to silence the Hawkeye naysayers with the whole secret family plot.  Although, as far as I see it, that storyline could have all been cut for time since it wasn’t that interesting and Nick Fury still had a secret Shield headquarters us his sleeve anyway.

2. Sixth Doctor – Doctor Who

colinbaker_0

If you asked every whovian who their favourite Doctor is, you would be pretty hard pushed to find many Colin Baker fans.  I mean, he’s arrogant (and not in a charming way), violent, has terrible fashion sense and not to mention stole his name from on of the actual best Doctors ever.  This is the Doctor who’s first act on the TARDIS was to try and strangle his companion.  I thought the Doctor was against violence, I mean it’s a rule he breaks all the time but rarely does he use his own hands.  To top it all off, his costume was absolutely disgusting.

If I was to go really far, I would blame Colin Baker for the show’s downfall.  He was the one that lost all the viewers and poor Sylvester McCoy suffered for that.  Did I mention his outfits?

3. Shia Labeouf – Every Shia Labeouf Movie

BERLIN, GERMANY - FEBRUARY 09:  Shia LaBeouf attends the 'Nymphomaniac Volume I (long version)' premiere during 64th Berlinale International Film Festival at Berlinale Palast on February 9, 2014 in Berlin, Germany.  (Photo by Luca Teuchmann/WireImage)

Why is he still getting roles?  Yeah, I get that he was a cute kid but he is not a cute adult.  Don’t you think he is weird looking and don’t worry I’m not being shallow his acting is quite terrible as well.

Transformers was bad thanks to all the human actors (and Michael Bay, let’s not forget him) but Shia has got to be the main culprit.  I will always stand by the statement that if they want a good Transformers movie, they’ve got to ditch the humans.

Now I know, this next idea may not be the most popular of opinions but I stand by this too.  Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull could have been a good movie it you took out Shia Labeouf……..pause for hate……aaaand continue.  If I am to be fair, his career hasn’t been an entire waste, I do like Holes…….pause for innuendo…..and if you haven’t seen this video, you NEED to watch this video.

#4 Basically Everyone Except Jack Harkness – Torchwood

S2Promos-0003

I have no idea how RTD made so many awesome characters in Doctor Who because every single character in Torchwood was either a blank slate of a character or a boring cliché.  We’ve got the sassy, kickass main character that finds herself in a confusing new world (Gwen), the annoying ladies man (Owen), the shy, nerdy computer hacker (Toshiko) and the character that has absolutely no personality whatsoever throughout the entire series (Ianto).  Jack and the scripts are the only saving graces that actually make this a pretty cool spin-off.

Having said all this, there are times during the show where you will see a glimmer of hope but it way too late and after all the characters had already been established.  The saddest thing of all is that, some of the guest stars outshine the main cast.  With Paul Chequer, James Masters, Freema Agyeman, Ruth Jones and Peter Capaldi to name a few.

#5 Higgins – Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Steve+Higgins+Late+Night+Jimmy+Fallon+Season+_21leYmE3qIl1

*Sigh*, God damn Higgins.  It’s fair to say, I don’t watch a whole lot of Jimmy Fallon.  I dip in and out of the Youtube channel whenever there is a guest that interests me.  Although, one segment that I do enjoy is the late night hashtags and boy does Higgins ruin the fun in that.  Every single thing he says is either an attempt at a joke, a stretched out killing of one of Jimmy’s jokes or just noises, literally sometimes he just makes noises.

I know I am not the only one that thinks like this, sometimes he will say something and the entire audience will just ignore it.  There was even a video last week where so kids sent in a letter to say how pointless he is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30q2hqNx1yM

You can watch it if you want, but warning it contains Americans infuriatingly eating Vegemite wrong and then saying it’s disgusting. Thank God for Hugh Jackman!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_sUhTWtvG4).

If you have any others to add to the list, or just downright disagree with me feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments.

 

Written by Daniel Priman

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